Twenty-O-Eight - A year of unsatisfied wants but fulfilled needs

Wants unsatisfied:

To spend Valentine's Day with someone special. In other words, get attached.

To visit Thailand during my post-BMT block leave, 'cause i figured i wouldn't be able to join the annual mission trip this year due to NS.

To join the mission team to Thailand since i now could do so 'cause i disrupted NS to repeat my A's as a civilian.

Needs fulfilled:

i spent Valentine's Day on Tekong Island Resort with my army buddies, getting prepared to go for field camp the next day. In other words, still not attached but i believe God is giving me ample time learning to live with the 2 ladies in my life (Mum and Sis) and understand what true love means before getting attached in God's perfect timing.

i didn't get to visit Thailand 'cause by the grace of God and others who helped, i got a chance to repeat my A's in SAJC which means i hadda stay on Tekong Island Resort to get my disruption application approved, so no Thailand in March.

My hopes of going on the annual mission trip were dashed when the Land of a Thousand Smiles got chaotic and my dad said no, so no Thailand in December either. But i got to learn valuable lifelong lessons like seeking God's will, obeying it and surrendering to Christ.

Countdown to Re-enlistment

Misses

i miss eating Akha food.

i miss drinking Akha tea.

i miss bathing in cold water.

i miss the breathtaking mountains of Chiangmai.

i miss the starry nightsky of Chiangrai.

i miss taking photographs of and with the villagers.

i miss being awaken by roosters in the middle of the night.

i miss singing praises to God in languages i don't understand.

i miss having bumpy car rides in 4-wheelers.

i miss being one hour younger.

My heart in 2824 words

Wanted to write this last night but i was afraid i would doze off blogging halfway so i'm tapping on the freshness of the new morning to do this now. Despite the morning freshness, i’m going to just say what comes to mind, so please pardon my incoherent writing for this post (assuming my other posts are coherent).


First, let me express this. i'm of the idea of transparency and letting everyone know my inner thoughts and other truths. (Of course i also want to save the troublesomeness of answering to everyone who asks, but i’m not saying you shouldn’t ask.) i know that some of these truths might unsettle certain people (truth hurts!) but i believe God will work through these truths to bring forth His will for Jesus Himself is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). Allow me to share what i’ve learnt from and agreed with a magazine called Broader Perspectives: “The point of human beings being able to speak is to communicate our thoughts, not to hide them. As long as we treat lying as something to be expected, we will always look at other people askew. When trust is hindered and communication is less open, we lose our ability to formulate solutions together as a society.” So, i don’t mind if this post is being read by anyone, because i’ve found that people can relate better with me when they know what i feel and think. It also helps my fellow siblings in Christ to pray for me more specifically and these specific prayers have gone a long way in helping me grow in spiritual maturity. As i’ve learnt in Christianity and Economics, we live in an imperfect world with imperfect information and knowledge. But i’ll do what i can to correct this ‘market failure’.


Okay here we go.


This entire experience has been one of seeking God’s will, obeying it and surrendering to Christ. And i’m proud to say i’ve made considerable progress mastering the basics of this Christian discipline. It’s been a bumpy ride for the past week, especially after it was announced that those below 21 years old are not allowed to go for the mission trip unless both parents’ signatures are given. That was the first sign of God’s will to me. Initially, like what i’ve posted previously, i was depressed i wouldn’t be able to go to Thailand this year. i couldn’t see the bright side of being under 21 years old and i blamed God for not forming me in my mother’s womb at least 7 months and 17 days earlier 20 years ago. But then, after a period of fasting and praying, i’ve figured that the next 10 days may not be as fulfilling as i had imagined, but i will be exactly where God wants me to be.


Everyone on the team has his/her own unique experience of how the political situation in Thailand has directly affected them through the postponement of the trip (to some) and cancellation (to others). Mine went to a climax last night, when my mum became upset and when Uncle James was slated to meet my dad after the final team briefing.


My mum was upset because her flight is on the 7th instead of the 5th when the majority leaves for Chiangmai. She said she already applied leave from the 5th to the 14th and it wouldn’t be worthwhile to go for only a week. She didn’t understand why my ticket got confirmed before hers when my status was more uncertain (i had to wait for my dad to sign an indemnity letter). i doubt she understands now even after Uncle Lawrence explained to her last night. i was wondering along with my mum about the tickets, but when i listened to Uncle Lawrence, i was able to understand it at once. Perhaps it was the spiritual bondage that obscured my mum’s understanding of the big picture. Anyway i've received news from Choon Tee that all the flights are now scheduled to be on the 5th so my mum gets to go on the 5th now. Thank God.


There’re so many of us who can’t even go, and there she was making a big fuss over the triviality of a 2-day delay in her flight schedule. To put it bluntly, i was ashamed of being her son at that moment. I remember how Felicia shared about her mum last week when all the unforeseen circumstances the team’s facing were starting to unfold. I thought she was pretty mean towards her mum (but i admire her straightforwardness). i was telling myself, “How can she say that to and of her mother?” But now i realise i’m not any different from her. i’m guilty of not being caring enough to my mum. i emphasise the word enough because i thought i’d shown enough care and because she hasn’t shown any signs of changing her attitude, I have given up on her. That was what happened last night. i totally ignored her.


Please understand this. It’s not that i didn’t try at all. i did, sometimes alone, sometimes with my sis, to convince and encourage her that she has been feeling this way mainly due to her own misconceptions of others. My sis and i tried to tell her it’s normal to not please everyone. There’re surely a few who don’t like us. This is especially so for an earnestly God-seeking Christian. Jesus tells us the world hates us because they hated Him first, and because we are of God and not of the world, the world hates us too (John 15:18). But when (almost) everyone we encounter, especially in God’s family, has a problem with us but not with the rest, then we ought to check ourselves rather than blaming them for not showing enough love to us. My sis and i shared with our mum that we also face problems in our relationships with people, within and without the church (my mum thinks everyone likes us). But we don’t conclude that it’s their problem and then leave the church for another or evade the problem altogether (maintaining an indefinite cold war with that person).


A dictum puts it aptly, “Your perspective determines reality.” Every time my sis and i talked to our mum, i thought we’ve gotten the message across to her. But no, she has nevertheless failed to change her pessimistic perspective of how other people view her, time and time again (yes Rachel, time and time again). People have been urging us (her children) to talk to her in order to bring about the change they can believe in, because we’re closer to her than they are. i apologise for the apparent stalemate. So as imperfectly human as i am, i gave up on trying anymore, even when my sis continued to try again last night. It was a terrible time, i must say.


Uncle James and Aunty Christianne sent me home after the meeting last night and they came to ask my dad for his consent to let me go for this trip. Even if my dad was not to sign the indemnity letter, his verbal consent would have sent me re-packing my luggage right away! But i have surrendered to God’s will and i believe it is God’s will for me to stay in Singapore this time. Don’t get me wrong. i fully accept and respect my dad’s decision. Like i told Uncle Vincent, i’m not a father (i’ll be known as Father Abraham in time to come but not as yet) so i won’t truly understand the struggles my dad (and parents of the other members below 21) have to go through now (even for those who have given their consent). So, in my perspective, when my earthly father said, “No” last night, so did my Heavenly Father. And i believe i'm honouring both of them right now.


After Uncle James and Aunty Christianne left, i went online to change my Facebook status to update those who love me. i admit i’ve been addicted to Facebook, uploading photos and videos, tagging my friends and stuff, but i wasn’t doing much of that last night. Anyway that was the time when my sis was there for my mum trying to talk sense into her in her room like we have been trying previously to but to no avail, while i sat in the living room in front of my computer. As i mentioned earlier in this blog post, it was a terrible time. i could hear my sis in tears trying very hard to correct my mum’s (usual) negative assumptions. i overheard my mum saying something like, “You’re siding with those in church, of course you’ll say these!” That was similar to what my mum told me on the phone before we left the meeting last night. She said something along the lines of, “You can continue sticking close to them and neglect me.” i felt so helpless. Now she thinks even we, her own children, are against her. Hai.


When my sis and mum finally came out of the room, my sis was still in tears and she rebuked me for not even trying to listen to our mum. My sis also accused me of not applying what i’ve read in the book Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris, of not doing the hard thing of listening to my mum despite failures of past attempts in convincing our mum. i retaliated for a while but saw no point in justifying myself because it would make things worse. i felt i didn’t do anything wrong. i have tried as many times as humanly possible and it was high time i left this humanly impossible task of changing my mum’s warped perspective to God who promises in Luke 18:27 that "What is impossible with man is possible with God." But after a night’s prayer, i realise i was actually choosing the easy way out by using that verse to my own discretion. Another verse came to mind. It’s from Matthew 18: 21-22: “Peter came up and said to [Jesus], ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.’” In essence, Jesus means forgiving every time. Although i’d still say it wasn’t appropriate for my sis to use Do Hard Things in a negative way like she did to me last night, i admit i should have still pressed on and listened to our mum. Mei, if you’re reading this, may i urge you not to use the phrase in such a way again? Because it may spoil the actual intention of the Harris twins and other rebelutionaries. Check out this article written by the twins’ father at http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2007/07/how-to-spoil-do-hard-things/


i don’t expect my mum to change anytime soon but i’ll of course keep her in my prayers. And seriously i need to pray harder especially now she’s going on the trip without my sis and me. As you have guessed, my greatest worry is her relationships with the other team members. Trip after trip, since 2004, she has never failed to (sadly) stir up a certain degree of ___ (i haven’t thought of an appropriate word) within the team. i need to clarify, i’m not trying to put my mum in a bad light here. It’s purely just to be transparent like i’ve mentioned at the beginning of this post so that people may know us better and those who love us can pray for us more specifically. i’m grateful to everyone who has been so tolerant and understanding towards my mum. The only thing i can do is to leave her in God’s hands and ask the other team members to continue to be tolerant and understanding. As i have learnt, God has placed my mum in my life to not only to test my faith but more importantly to help me understand the love of Christ. Jesus must have come across many more hard-to-love people than any of us but He still loves them all the same and even dies for these people. Honestly, till today i still don’t understand how anyone is able to love so unconditionally. Only God is equivalent to such an unfailing love. Even though we’re not God, we are called to do the same. Leviticus 11:44 tells us, “I am the LORD your God. Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy, for I am holy.” Ya, so I guess God places certain people in our lives to show us what it means to love them as Christ does.


i’m just thankful for this whole thing because as much as it has shaken things up a lot, so much has it also drawn me closer to Jesus Christ Himself. i think this would not have been possible without God’s grace that i undeservedly have received and the constant prayers of those who love me. i apologise for not including your names here because i know i’ll miss some names out. Please pardon me. Your rewards are in Heaven. Haha.


This episode has also taught me a few valuable lifelong lessons. Apart from those aforementioned (seeking God’s will, obeying it and surrendering to Christ), i have also learned to move away from a self-centred response towards a Christ-centred and others-centred one. i think this is really cool. Of course i don’t imply that i’m totally selfless and not at all self-centred, but i’m again proud to say i’ve made considerable progress mastering the basics of this Christian discipline. For instance, when my sis rebuked me last night, i felt indignant at first, and i tried to justify myself. But i was promptly prompted by the Holy Spirit to stop looking out for my own pride and ego but rather look out for what Jesus would have done and how others are feeling about the prevailing situation. So, i abruptly stopped refuting my sis’ allegations of me (which turn out to be rightly true). There’re a couple of other instances during the past few days or so in which i have responded in a similar way.


It’s just purely amazing to stop resisting but go along with the flow of the Holy Spirit. i got to see first-hand how God’s faithfulness has been following me throughout this whole Thailand-less experience, just like how He saw me through my two A level experiences and of course my BMT, although all of them weren’t exactly what i had wished to be. i must say God’s been good to me, even during the troughs my recent life. i’ve always asked God to remind me of His goodness especially when i’m down because i think those are the most important times in my life when my faith is tested beyond its limit. Boy, He’s never failed to bring me close to Himself during these times of trial. i know that there are many around me who do not seem to enjoy the intimacy i have with God. My mum is one of them. i can’t tell these people that i understand what they’re going through for the mere fact that i can’t possibly fully do so! Everyone has his/her own unique struggles (although some may be common), so it’d be very insensitive to downplay other people’s problems by saying God is good and all will be fine. i’m oft a victim of such well-meaning but tactless attempt to comfort a person. So, i’m not gonna make the same mistake here.


Just allow me to make some suggestions. Be open to the visitations of God’s Holy Spirit. And i can’t emphasise this enough: read God’s word – the Bible! (i won’t delve into the details of the boons of reading the Bible.) i know it isn’t easy. i do struggle to read the Bible every single day, but i get great help from supplementary materials like the Life Application Study Bible and a few Quiet Time devotionals such as Every Day with Jesus by Greg Laurie and Every Day with Jesus by Selwyn Hughes. Once again, i’m proud to say proud to say i’ve made considerable progress mastering the basics of this Christian discipline. Oh ya, one more thing. Reading Christian books helps a lot too. I’m currently reading (re-reading actually) Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris which is an apt book for teenagers (i’m not a teen anymore but it’s still extremely relevant). Books by Max Lucado (my favourite author) are very good too. Remember not to quench the Holy Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19)!



"It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to Your ways ... "

A Thailand-less year

Glen is of course depressed he can't go to Thailand.

Glen fails to see the bright side of being under 21 years old.

Glen kinda loved packing for the past 4 mission trips plus this one; now he dreads having to unpack his luggage without having worn any clothes inside it.

Glen is unable to sleep.

Glen struggles to accept God's will.

Glen confronts God.

Glen blames God for not forming him in his mother's womb at least 7 months and 17 days earlier 20 years ago.

Glen prays for the rest who are still going, because things are now much more difficult.


Glen wakes up hoping it was a dream, but it wasn't.

Glen hasn't known what God has in store for him now that he can't go to Thailand.

Glen attempts to see things through God's contact lenses.

Glen has just collected his new biometric passport (to be displayed on his desk at home).

Glen figures that the next two weeks may not be as fulfilling as he wanted, but he will be where God wants him to be.

Countdown to my A Levels (again!)

A student's prayer

Lord, grant me a quiet heart
Before exams start.

Lead me to use my leisure hours
To invigorate my powers.
My mind from daydreams liberate,
Give me the will to concentrate.
From all distractions, set me free
That in my studies I may be
A student with a sole fulfilment
To make my work a sacrament.

From my faint heart in low expel
All failure fears that therein dwell.
And from my pillow drive away
All dark forebodings of the day.
Help me in faith to rest so deep,
That I may have untroubled sleep.
While notes and lectures I prepare,
May I not lose my zest for prayer.

May I not forget to look
For guidance in Thy Book.
And may I ever grateful be
To all who daily pray for me.
For myself I intercede,
For other students too, I plead.
So may exams find
Each one alert in heart and mind.

Thus inward joy and peace possessing,
May exams prove a source of blessing.

- Anonymous

A melancholic poem

Longing to escape from you,
I try very hard to learn how to fly.
Finally, wings began to appear on my back,
Ending the days of agony with you around.

Suffering and pain gradually leave my sight,
Underneath me I see you diminish in size.
Christ, bring me home today,
Kiss me, welcome me in heaven and
Say to me, "Your worst days are over."

- Anonymous

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten by Robert Fulghum

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Goalball

i was just totally intrigued by this sport called Goalball which is featured in the Paralympics when i switched on the TV less than an hour ago. There's Sitting Volleyball and Wheelchair Rugby too! Haha.

Goalball is a team sport designed for blind athletes. It was devised by Hanz Lorenzen (Austria), and Sepp Reindle (Germany), in 1946 in an effort to help in the rehabilitation of visually impaired World War II veterans[1]. The International Blind Sports Federation (IBSA), responsible for fifteen sports for the blind and partially sighted in total, is the governing body for this sport.

The sport evolved into a competitive game over the next few decades and was a demonstration event at the 1976 Summer Paralympics in Toronto[1]. The sport's first championship was held in 1978 and goalball became a full part of the Paralympics from the 1980 Summer Paralympics in Arnhem onwards[1].

Participants compete in teams of three, and try to throw a ball that has bells embedded in it, into the opponents' goal[2]. They must use the sound of the bell to judge the position and movement of the ball. Games consist of two 10 minute halves[2]. Blindfolds allow partially sighted players to compete on an equal footing with blind players[2].

- Wikipedia

A word that sounds wrong

i never actually thought breaststroke sounded wrong until i chanced upon a photo caption in the papers during the Olympics period. i realise when it refers to the swimmer executing the breaststroke, it sounds wrong to me. Don't accuse me of thinking dirty. Just read the article below and judge for yourself.


While American Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps continues to dominate the pool and shatter World Records [6 Gold Medals, 6 World Records] on his quest towards 8 Gold Medals, another headline story overlooked but nearly as impressive is Breaststroker Kosuke Kitajima of Japan.

...

Kosuke Kitajima has rewritten the record books and rewritten the approach to swimming technique. What American's Steve Lundquist ['80's breaststroke sprinter] and Mike Barrowman ['90's breaststroke endurance] meant for the face of Breaststroke and were combined in American Brendan Hansen ['00's hybrid sprinter/endurance], has finally given way to the tidal wave of Kosuke Kitajima as perhaps the most efficient Breaststroker of all-time!

http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/REIGNBLOOD/163523

A Curriculum Fable

One time, the animals had a school. The curriculum consisted of running, climbing, flying, and swimming, and all the animals took all the subjects.

The Duck was good in swimming, better in fact than his instructor, and he made passing grades in flying, but he was practically hopeless in running. Because he was low in this subject, he was made to stay in after school and drop his swimming class in order to practice running. He kept this up until he was only average in swimming. But average is acceptable, so nobody worried about that except the Duck.

The Eagle was considered a problem pupil and was disciplined severely. He beat all the others to the top of the tree in the climbing class, but he had used his own way of getting there.

The Rabbit started out at the top of the class in running, but he had a nervous breakdown and had to drop out of school on account of so much make-up work in swimming.

The Squirrel led the climbing class, but his flying teacher made him start his flying lessons from the ground instead of the top of the tree down and he developed charley horses from overexertion at the take-off and began getting C's in climbing and D's in running.

The practical Prairie Dogs apprenticed their offspring to a Badger when the school authorities refused to add digging to the curriculum.

At the end of the year, an abnormal Eel, that could swim well, run, climb, and fly a little, was made Valedictorian.

- Anonymous

My last week as a teenager

Will hell be less hot now?

My last month as a teenager

Barely a few weeks ago, my neighbour referred to me as "Uncle". Do I look that old?

We were in the lift. He was with his wife and his infant son in a pram. The little one was looking at me. He was cute (just like anyone else during his/her infant days) so I smiled at him (I don't only smile at cute people mind you, although I tend to give a bigger smile when I meet one). My neighbour started to engage in some baby-talk with his son which I thought was pretty entertaining, considering the usual 75 seconds of awkward silence I go through each time I take the lift with others.

I was amused up till the point when he said something like this to his son, "Why are you staring at Uncle ah? It is very rude to stare at Uncle like that you know?" And then he kept referring to me as Uncle for the rest of his baby-conversation. Of course I wasn't offended or anything. Nevertheless I decided to make some clarification. So I said smilingly to my neighbour, "Not Uncle la." Then he said, "Huh, really ah? Then Kor-kor ah?" "Er ... ya." Before the lift reached the 14th storey, he said, "Normally when you're 20 onwards, you can be called Uncle already." I wanted to reply, "I'll be 20 only next month, yet I don't wanna be called an Uncle even then." But I merely gave a chuckle and left the lift.

So, do I really look that old? I always thought I look younger than my peers. Or perhaps it was my little goatee which I've been trying to grow that made my neighbour perceive me as an adult.

It's only one month before I'm no longer called a teenager. But I wanna be forever young. Especially when I'm currently two years behind most of my peers in life.


Cherishing my remaining month of teenage life ...

A day for fathers, and a deeply missed friend

Church was unusually quiet this morning. The majority of the congregation went for the church camp, so the service was a single Traditional one instead of Contemporary. No Praise 'n' Worship, only 4 hymns were sung during the entire service instead. I don't usually enjoy hymns but today I was reminded of my Awfully Good Friend during each hymn.

You told me you could appreciate hymns because your church sang quite a few hymns during its services. Today, I got to hear some hymns in church. The music wasn't as catchy as contemporary songs, but as you said before, the lyrics were as meaningful, if not more meaningful. Somehow they reminded me of you. I wonder how you're doing over there in Canada. And of course, I miss you alot. I hope you're doing fine.


I thank God for speaking to me through Reverend Ng Seng Chuan today.
Happy Fathers' Day, Abba Father!

The value of a smile

A smile costs nothing, but gives much.

It enriches those who receive,
without making poorer those who give.

It takes but a moment,
but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it,
and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it.

A smile creates happiness in the home,
fosters good will in business,
and is the countersign of friendship.

It brings rest to the weary,
cheer to the discouraged,
sunshine to the sad,
and is nature's best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen,
for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
Give them one of yours,
as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

- Anonymous


It's been a long time since you last smiled at me.
Would you do it again?

A tribute to Mother Nature

Happy Mothers' Day!

Stressful schooling

Finally after three bad hair weeks, I could get my haircut yesterday. So it's time for another entry. It feels good to own a civilian hairstyle again, although it's not a trendy one. I'm fine with it. This time, my hairstylist didn't comment on my physique at all (previously he said I grew fatter, remember?). Instead, he said my teeth looked very neat and tidy now. Yes, the implicit assumption in the statement he made is that my teeth had been untidy. Well, that's a fact 'cause my teeth was indeed in a mess before I had my braces on. So I wasn't upset this time. I shall faithfully embark on my monthly pilgrimmage to Far East Plaza from next month onwards to have my hair trimmed.


School's been real crazy for me. Very stressful. Last year, I obviously didn't pay (enough) attention during lessons, and I wasn't bothered when I didn't understand what I was studying. This year, as I pay much more attention in class, I panick because I realise how much there is to cover for A levels! Some of my classmates kept lamenting, "Life sucks." I had to agree. But after having led a little of an army life earlier this year, I told them, "Life as a student still sucks the least."


Okay, I need to make some amendments to my previous entry about my most and least favourite lessons. I had heard from my new classmates that PE lessons with Mr Daryl Ong would be just physical training and no playing of games at all. But it wasn't true. We got to play games. (My class is 07S19 and we have our PE lessons together with 07S14.) Mr Desmond Ng was on course so Mr Ong relieved him. It was our last lesson with Mr Ong last week so we took photos with him, with Fay Anne's camera I think. Anyway now my most favourite lessons are Maths and PE. Haha.

The road less travelled

Basket. I can't have my hair cut yet. The hairstylist said it's still too short. If he said only that, I wouldn't feel that upset, but he went on to say that I've grown fatter! Have I really grown fatter? Or is it just my face? All thanks to the army la, for feeding me with so much food but giving me only endurance training rather than strength training. Some more now I'm out of the army and back to a civilian.
And can you believe this? I was on my way home on Friday, and TV Mobile was showing some news article entitled Labour of Love and depicting a pregnant man! Shucks, I have to suck in my tummy wherever I go from now onwards 'cause I don't wanna become a pregnant man.


Okay frustrations aside, I shall begin on the main point of this entry.


Most of my army friends have gone forward in their army life. Some are currently undergoing training in command school (Officer Cadet School or School of Infantry Specialists) while the others are posted to various camps a.k.a units all around the island. But I'm taking a different route. I have gone back to school. St. Andrew's Junior College has agreed to let me repeat my Year 2 and take my A level exams again this year (praise God!), and the Ministry of Defence (Mindef) has allowed me to disrupt my National Service until the end of this year.

I went back to school on Tuesday instead of Monday, because Mindef wasn't done with my disruption procedures yet. In the words of the manpower personnel at Pulau Tekong, I still belonged to the Singapore Armed Forces. Thus I still had to report to the Basic Military Training Centre together with a few other Privates to wait for permission for us to be officially released for studies.

It was an 8-hour wait inside a room, from 8 o'clock in the morning to 4 o'clock in the afternoon. It's pretty interesting how the 10 of us bonded together in less than a day. Among this section of disruptees, the majority hailed from Tampines JC (TPJC), while one came from Anderson JC and I, St. Andrew's JC (SAJC).

We were all from different companies (Broncho, Gryphon, Jaguar, Raven, etc.) during our Basic Military Training (BMT) phase, but we were all gathered in the room for only one purpose: to disrupt our NS and retake our A's.

I have to admit that the wait was dreadful initially, but the TPJC guys made it count. I was actually trying to kill time by reading my Time magazine (how cool is that!) and my Economics tuition notes, but after a few hours, the TPJC guys managed to open me up, metaphorically.

The first thing they asked me immediately after they heard I studied in SAJC was (as you have guessed), "So are there really a lot of pretty girls in your school?" My answer was, "Well, it has become a rumour, a myth. The numbers have experienced a tremendously sustained decrease over the years." Seriously, if you have heard people saying that there're many pretty girls in SAJC, that was a proven fact many years ago. Today, pretty girls are an endangered species currently facing extinction in SAJC.


Alright, I have elaborated too much on an issue that isn't very important. Let me go on to my first day back in school.


It was a luxury waking up 30 minutes later than reveille time in the army. To keep fit during our civilian months ahead, my new-found friend, Private Dinie (one of the TPJC guys) suggested doing 5BX (5 Basic Exercises) and jogging every morning before eating breakfast and going to school, to reminisce a little of our army life. I thought it was good so I implemented the idea, except the 5BX part due to time constraint.

To cut the story short, honestly I felt awkward seeing so many unfamiliar faces in school. And those few familiar ones had some kind of a surprised look on them when they spotted me. My new class is a small one, with only about 10 members, before the few of us repeatees supplied reinforcements. I realised we repeatees and our new classmates are facing a generation gap. We're from the 80s while they're from the 90s. Cool. As for the teachers, all of them have never taught me before, except Mr Yoong, 'cause he seems to always take the H1 History classes every year.

Unlike last year, my most favourite and least favourite lessons have taken a drastic switch. I used to love Physical Education (PE) most and Mathematics least. Now it's the other way round. I shan't say anything about PE but for Maths, it was my first tutorial lesson that I attended on Friday (I missed the one on Monday) and it was the first time in my life I felt the classroom was hot (if you know what that means). Haha.

Pity there are only two Maths tutorial lessons in a week (the other three are lectures). Hai. And there are three Physics tutorial lessons of which two are 3-period lessons. How I wish Physics and Maths can swop time slots. Haha. Nevermind, tomorrow there's Maths tutorial lesson so I can enjoy the heat again. Yay.

On a seious note, to be frank, repeating this Year 2 is tougher than I had expected. On Tuesday when I attended the first lesson of the day (Maths lecture), I was totally lost. It was the same for Physics tutorial lesson which followed. Only History lecture was slightly better. Thank God it was a short day on Tuesday, otherwise I would've gone bonkers on my first day itself.

Like what I smsed Neale, the grass always seems greener on the other side. Last year before my A's, I couldn't wait to be enlisted into the army because I wanted to use my brawn more than my brain (which was ironically true: you don't need any brains in there). But during my BMT days, I'd rather rack my brains studying. And now that I'm back to school, the whole cycle seems to start again. Well, like what Neale said in his reply, it's better to munch away at / enjoy the grass with no eye for the fence! I shall learn to do just that.

When I repeated my Secondary Three back in Catholic High, I knew I was one year behind my peers and only one year ahead of my younger sister who's two years younger than me. Instead of taking my O level exams two years before she took hers, I took mine just one year before hers. I actually imagined this: What if I were to repeat a year again in JC? We would be taking our A's together. And so my thoughts became reality, a cool but very sad reality.

I shall not go any further and take up even more time on this. I have other more pressing issues to settle. I'm living on extra borrowed time.

7 H's

Many people are pursuing the 5 or 6 C's but i am pursuing my 7 H's. i want to be a holy, happy, humble, hardworking, hot and handsome hunk. Haha. But i'm now instead just a hopeless, hirsute and hideous hypocrite. i pray that things will change for the better this year. i doubt God will grant me all my H's, maybe only the first four.

Ice-skating with SAJC 06S23