Sunday, September 30, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Why not me?
I feel like I'm living the worst day over and over again
I feel like the summer is leaving again
I feel like I'm living the worst day
I feel like you're gone
Every day is the worst day ever
i skipped my History prelim exam.
my teacher called my mum and my mum told my dad.
and so my sin found me out.
Yesterday was the worst day ever
And tomorrow won't be better
It's history repeating on and on
i could see that my mum was controlling herself, refraining from ranting at me like she used to, and my dad hasn't spoken to me about it yet.
i just feel that my existence in this world has only added liabilities to the lives of people around me.
my exorbitant Maths tuition fees are scorching my mum's finances and i'm letting down others who have high expectations of me.
i feel so lousy having made my mum so worried.
The waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me,
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.
recently i watched the news.
earthquakes, tremors, plane crash and Avian flu, claiming lives here and there.
i ask, "Just why not mine?"
The giants keep on telling me, time and time again,
"Boy, you'll never win. You'll never win."
"Lord Jesus, You've gotta save me from the waves that are gonna crash on me in 40 days' time. It's in Your nature, 'cause i know only You have an infinitely high Marginal Propensity to Save, so please reach out Your mighty hand and pull me out of this mess that i've created myself."
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid."
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory."
nowadays, the only times i can feel my sense of self-worth are on Sundays when i attend church and go for practice for the missionary trip to Northern Thailand after my A levels. other than that, i'm struggling each day to embrace Godly attitudes towards my existence on this planet.
Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.
I feel like the summer is leaving again
I feel like I'm living the worst day
I feel like you're gone
Every day is the worst day ever
i skipped my History prelim exam.
my teacher called my mum and my mum told my dad.
and so my sin found me out.
Yesterday was the worst day ever
And tomorrow won't be better
It's history repeating on and on
i could see that my mum was controlling herself, refraining from ranting at me like she used to, and my dad hasn't spoken to me about it yet.
i just feel that my existence in this world has only added liabilities to the lives of people around me.
my exorbitant Maths tuition fees are scorching my mum's finances and i'm letting down others who have high expectations of me.
i feel so lousy having made my mum so worried.
The waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me,
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.
recently i watched the news.
earthquakes, tremors, plane crash and Avian flu, claiming lives here and there.
i ask, "Just why not mine?"
The giants keep on telling me, time and time again,
"Boy, you'll never win. You'll never win."
"Lord Jesus, You've gotta save me from the waves that are gonna crash on me in 40 days' time. It's in Your nature, 'cause i know only You have an infinitely high Marginal Propensity to Save, so please reach out Your mighty hand and pull me out of this mess that i've created myself."
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid."
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory."
nowadays, the only times i can feel my sense of self-worth are on Sundays when i attend church and go for practice for the missionary trip to Northern Thailand after my A levels. other than that, i'm struggling each day to embrace Godly attitudes towards my existence on this planet.
Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
A plea to God
How i wish God had left that bottle alone, so that He could make me start studying right from the beginning, say Sec 3. but all i can do now is look ahead, fix my eyes on Jesus and stop dwelling on my ugly past.
"i'm really sick and tired of being a mediocre student and getting mediocre grades, so God would You please be more generous in giving me Your wisdom? just 0.00000001 percent of it is more than enough to make me a genius like Albert Einstein, John Maynard Keynes or Sir Isaac Newton, but i require only about 0.00000001 percent of the amount You gave these geniuses to help me grasp their main theories and concepts so that i can pass my A levels with flying colours."
the Photoelectric effect, Theory of Income Determination and Calculus are just some of the many areas that i'm unsure of at present, but as Abraham trusted in God, so will i.
"anyway i also owe You a word of thanks for providing me with the constant encouragements from my family and friends at this time, which i am so in need of."
life has indeed been different (and difficult) for me. i'm already heading in the right direction but my pace just isn't right. after days of studying long hours (8-10 hours a day mean alot of hours to me), i would feel good that i managed to sit down and study. but at the same time, i would know that it just wasn't enough. i doubt my Prelim results would show a marked improvement. the papers were really terrible, Maths in particular ('cause i've got expensive tuition for that and yet i couldn't do well). i could sense that other students are fighting to get As while here i am struggling to get above Ss and Us, not to even mention hitting a pass. what kind of a student is that? what kind of a Christian student is that?
okay i'm not supposed to use the com for long, even though i have remarkably been using it only once a week (on Sunday mornings before i go to church). so that's my life for you at the moment. i know it's gonna be over soon 'cause i can already see the end coming. The end is near.
oh ya there's Communion later ...
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