A rhapsody indeed

i was wrong. it wasn't the lowest point of my life. it couldn't have been the lowest point. cos it's still going down.

sometimes i wonder why i'm still alive. i fail to see the purpose of my existence. i seem to be always creating trouble for people, worrying my parents, disgracing God, etc. i'm like a liability to the world.

you know, for some old people, they see each new day as a bonus, cos they know they might just go anytime. but for me, each new day is like a plague that i wish to avoid so much.

i just can't seem to pick myself up. i kept trying, but i still can't. i know in my life there are my family, friends and erm eye-candies to be happy about, but they seem to be like the deflections of the galvanometer needle - momentary, and are overpowered by the unhappy things in life. the things that remain etched at the back of my mind haunting me are the entrenched images of a harsh reality. if i look at the bright side of life (like what many people have been encouraging me to), i would only be deceiving myself from reality: life sucks!

is this the kind of a success story that i want to write? i aspire to become an expositor of the Christian faith, but whatever i'm learning in school doesn't seem to point towards that, except maybe General Paper and History to some extent. i guess that's the main reason i lack the motivation to strive, or would you say excuse?

i may be smiling from time to time and behaving normally, but deep inside me inhabits a pathetic creature who wallows in self-pity.

it's really a dilemma to blog. one side of me wants my thoughts and feelings to be made known to others, the other urges me to keep them to myself. i'm not asking for sympathy thru blogging. it's just that i needed a channel to express myself and since no one is available at this time of the day, my blog seems to be the only choice.

perhaps i should change my blog title soon, to something like rhapsodies of Glen's miseries.