Why not me?

I feel like I'm living the worst day over and over again
I feel like the summer is leaving again
I feel like I'm living the worst day
I feel like you're gone
Every day is the worst day ever


i skipped my History prelim exam.
my teacher called my mum and my mum told my dad.
and so my sin found me out.


Yesterday was the worst day ever
And tomorrow won't be better
It's history repeating on and on


i could see that my mum was controlling herself, refraining from ranting at me like she used to, and my dad hasn't spoken to me about it yet.
i just feel that my existence in this world has only added liabilities to the lives of people around me.
my exorbitant Maths tuition fees are scorching my mum's finances and i'm letting down others who have high expectations of me.
i feel so lousy having made my mum so worried.


The waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me,
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.


recently i watched the news.
earthquakes, tremors, plane crash and Avian flu, claiming lives here and there.
i ask, "Just why not mine?"


The giants keep on telling me, time and time again,
"Boy, you'll never win. You'll never win."


"Lord Jesus, You've gotta save me from the waves that are gonna crash on me in 40 days' time. It's in Your nature, 'cause i know only You have an infinitely high Marginal Propensity to Save, so please reach out Your mighty hand and pull me out of this mess that i've created myself."


But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid."
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory."


nowadays, the only times i can feel my sense of self-worth are on Sundays when i attend church and go for practice for the missionary trip to Northern Thailand after my A levels. other than that, i'm struggling each day to embrace Godly attitudes towards my existence on this planet.


Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.