Triviality

i know this is gonna sound childish but i thought i should voice it out in response to a blog entry.


recently i flared up at a classmate for something considered trivial: crumpling my school uniform again, for fun.


i used to not mind wearing a crumpled top wherever i go, until i saw people wearing crumpled tops (intentionally or unconsciously), which looked awful to me. then i realise i had been taking my mum's ironing my school uniform for granted. (she's been ironing my sister and my school uniforms so that we may have more time to study, albeit a few minutes.)


i went to apologise to him one hour later for flaring up and literally begged him not to crumple my uniform again. i told him that he may do to me whatever he likes to 'disturb' me, except messing my hair and crumpling my uniform. i had thought he got the message, but he still tried to joke around the next day by pretending that he was gonna crumple various parts of my uniform, as if to tease me for kicking up a big fuss about it the other day.


"I really don't understand why it affects you so much.
It's not as if you're going home with a perfectly untouched shirt!
It bothers me a lot more that such a little thing bothers you.
Anyway, I was joking when I said I didn't get the point.
No need to get so angry."


perhaps i was indeed kicking up a huge fuss over something trivial. since my secondary school days, i've been conscious of my appearance. my mood is always affected whenever people touch my hair or crumple my shirt. it's as if a part of me has gone crooked and i can't function as normally as i do. i always check my hair and attire before leaving the house, so that kinda starts my day off knowing that i'm in top form. but once my hair gets messed up or my shirt gets crumpled by an external force, i'd feel uneasy.


well, that's me. that's one of my many imperfections. maybe my classmate or other people don't mind that. hmmm. perhaps one day i should do the same to him since his advice to me was "You shouldn't be so bothered about how people think about your outward appearance." but if i do the same to him, it will utterly contradict the tenet of "doing unto others what you want others to do unto you"!


probably he hasn't realised how awful a crumpled shirt looks, like how i was disgusted by those people who wear crumpled shirts, even if it is a small crease. yesterday, he 'offered to adjust' the sling on my bag, because it was "crumpling my uniform". yeah i know he meant it as a joke, but that seemed as if to tease me again. obviously he didn't get my message.


yes, even if he had never deliberately crumpled my uniform, it would still be crumpled and not remain perfectly without any crease at the end of the day, but you see, the creases made by other forces like my bag are due to slight pressing and they are not as obvious as those made by deliberate crumpling with a clenched fist!


on the part why i'm so concerned about how people think about my outward appearance. i have always been taught in school and at home about looking good. it's sort of a social etiquette. probably his secondary school didn't emphasise on neat uniform and proper hairstyle as much as mine did (even though his primary school might more likely have done), that's why he hasn't realised that even a slightly crumpled school uniform doesn't speak highly of a student.


yes, as Christians, we should not be concerned too much on our appearance, rather, we should work on our character, and that's what matters the most. however, that doesn't mean we ignore our outward appearance totally. i shall try pulling down his school tie one day, and see if he will adjust it back, since he should also not bother what other think. my point is, a crease-free shirt together with a properly-worn tie is all part of a neat school uniform.


hai, i didn't intend to make this such a long entry. but in order to bring my message across in its entirety, i had to do this at the expense of my study time. a 5-page SMS or a 2-page postcard just wouldn't do.


probably after all these, he still doesn't "understand why it affects me so much". i guess it's just different individual awareness levels that we each possess. anyway at least i did my part to try making him understand where i'm coming from. nevertheless, i still value him as a close buddy and i hope he thinks the same way too.